I just had an interesting observation and thought I should write it down... it's that each of us has handled this in our own, unique way.
When this wasn't a reality, just a possibility... I had no problem researching and preparing. For me, it was like putting together a 72 hour kit for an emergency or having that gross food storage that you hope you never have to use. I was ready, just in case. When the news came, I was fine because I was prepared. But I did shut down, just a little, and not want to deal with it, sometimes I just thought, "Ugh." Kind of like I was pouting because of the inconvenience of now having to deal with this problem, similar, I am sure, to the pouting I will do if I ever have to live off of the gross food storage food. But, like in all emergencies, you adapt and move on. So, I planned, shut down, then just moved forward.
My husband didn't want to talk about the "what if" beforehand. He finally just told me one night, "I don't like you talking about the possibility of you being sick." He didn't want to even THINK about it ahead of time. Once it moved from possibility to reality, he wanted to know everything. He wanted to start the planning phases of how to fix the problem. He was ready for a plan of attack. The problem was that at that point, I had moved from planning to not wanting to think about it and he went from not wanting to think about it to wanting to plan. Luckily, I didn't shut down completely, we both adapted and made a plan. Of course, his plan included a conference call into the doctor and I was fairly nervous about getting my questions answered and the last thing I wanted to do was make the doctor wait while I set up a conference call or make him wait on the call for who knows how long for the doctor to show up in the exam room. He was pretty disappointed when I told him that my anxiety levels would not allow me to even try to call him. So he closed himself off, then opened up, planned, and moved forward.
My oldest was with me when I found out, so he found out within minutes of me finding out. There was no time to sugar coat it. He took the information in, I explained the best I could with the little knowledge that I had, then I dropped him off at taekwondo. When I picked him up, he a question or 2, but that was it. I had asked him not to tell anyone, especially his siblings, because we needed to wait until we had more information. But, I found out just yesterday, that the day after he found out, he really needed to talk to someone about it and ended up telling a whole group of his friends, but was able to keep it a secret from his siblings and not say anything else to anyone else until at least his brother found out, then he told one teacher so he could have an adult to talk to. As time went on, he had time to think about it and would eventually begin to ask me questions (his most insightful - did he need to worry about increased chances of getting Thyroid Cancer at some point in the future - great question) So, he was quiet, exploded to friends once, then quietly thoughtful.
When the 2nd found out, he wanted to tell people and kept dropping hints, that were, luckily, too high above the girls' heads. He was able to keep it a secret until the girls knew... then he couldn't hold it in. He texted all 5 of his friends that he has phone numbers for to tell them all. He NEEDED to be free from the burden of the secret, more than the burden of the news. So, he was quiet until we opened the flood gates, then he was going to make sure everyone knew.
I wasn't sure how the girls would cope today. They were back at school and I wasn't sure if they were going to tell anyone or even remember that we had had the conversation yesterday. I emailed their teachers last night, alerting them, so that if the girls started sharing the news in their classrooms, I wouldn't get any frantic emails or calls from the school. I also wanted the teachers to have a good set of basic information just in case the news started floating around that they could verify it was all correct information and not some crazy rumor about me having 2 days to live.
The older of the 2 girls came home and said that she had only told so-and-so, so-and-so, so-and-so, so-and-so, so-and-so, so-and-so, and Mrs. J but not Mrs. P, because I had already emailed to tell her. Oh, is that all? :) So, I guess she copes by telling just about everyone. Not, explosively, like her oldest brother, but throughout the day.
She did tell me how one particular conversation went, when she was telling the daughter of a friend of mine.
"I told C at lunch today that you have Thyroid Cancer. She said, 'Oh, my gosh!' She looked shocked so I told her that it was okay and was very treatable (M put her hands up, in a "double stop" position and gently shook them, as if to calm down the invisible C in front of her) and that you just have to have surgery and then you will be okay. She said, 'My mom will have to bring you dinner tonight!' I told her that you were okay and could still cook... and that I have a dad. She then told me that her mom makes really good meatballs and I said, 'Well, so does my dad, his are stuffed with mozzarella cheese.' She said that sounded really good... "(her voice trailed off, I'm pretty sure the 2 girls sat there drooling, thinking about and talking about yummy food the rest of lunch.)
I emailed C's mom to tell her what a great girl she raised, wanting to help immediately. The mom emailed me back saying that she agreed with her daughter and after much argument with me about how it wasn't necessary, her stubbornness won out and she is now bringing me dinner on the night of my appointment with the surgeon... just so I don't have to worry about it that day! Such a great family. I am very blessed!!
I don't think my youngest told anyone today. I am hoping she didn't much think about it. She came into my room this morning and crawled into bed with me. She just wanted to snuggle. After school, she gave me big hugs. I hope her loving cuddles don't fade for a long, long, long time... they may make this whole thing bearable. So, I think she copes by needing to be near me and have the reassurance that I am still right here. I really don't mind it one bit!
Since the word it getting around faster than anticipated, I think I am going to share my news a little more widespread sooner rather than later. I had planned on waiting until after meeting with the surgeon and possibly having a surgery date, but with it getting around this quickly and in a bit of an unorganized fashion, I don't want anyone finding out later wondering why I told so-and-so but not them. This isn't a secret, it just hasn't been "published" yet.
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