Lots of crying, panic, and an interrupted vacation

On Tuesday afternoon, not 15 minutes before closing time for EVERYTHING, I got a phone call from my surgeon's office.  She said they had received all of my pre-op info from my PCP except for 2 blood tests.  I told her that they had called me back in drew 2 more vials of blood 2 days after my first appointment and that it was probably the missing 2 tests.  She said she would call my PCP in the morning to verify.  The next day, at about 11am, I got a call from her saying she had called and that they did not have that blood work and that I would need to go get it done immediately.  This made me a little sick to my stomach because one of the tests takes 1 week to get back and we were now 6 days from my surgery.  I was sure that they had made a mistake, so I called my PCP and talked to the receptionist who said she didn't have any other blood work for me.  I explained to her that I was away on vacation, that my surgery was now less than a week away and that I needed to know if they were still expecting results from those final 2 blood tests.  I told her that one of them took a full week to process so she should get the results the next day.  She said, "Oh, well, I didn't know you did more blood work and if we aren't going to get the results until tomorrow, then, I wouldn't have that information yet, you will have to call back tomorrow to see if we have them."  I got a little snippy with her at that moment and explained that NO... she would need to verify that the tests were being run now, not wait and see if they were being run, and that she needed to do it quickly because I was out in the middle of nowhere and needed to try to find a lab somewhere and may have to drive the full 3 hours home to do the blood work.  If that was the case, I would need to know so that I could get home and get it done before everything closed at 5pm.  She took my phone number and said, "Well, I will try to get ahold of the doctor."  What does that mean?  Where is he?
  During the next hour and half, I tried calling the local urgent care to see if they could run the blood work for me... just got a busy signal.  Then I tried calling the local hospital, same story, a busy signal!  Where did everyone go?  Who are they all talking to?  I started to cry.  I just couldn't deal with this.  I tried multiple times over the next hour and half to both places (yes, where I was only had 2 places within a 20 min drive).  I still hadn't heard back from the receptionist at this point and so I called back and she said, "Um, we've been completely slammed, I haven't had a chance to ask the doctor about that yet."  This just made me frustrated and a little angry.  You mean to tell me he's right there down the hall and you haven't walked down to ask him?  Interrupt.  This is an emergency.  My surgery may need to be postponed because of this... GO!   I again stressed to her the urgency of the situation and explained that I needed to make arrangements immediately and that I was running out of time.  She told me she would talk to him soon.  I got off the phone with her and, after crying a little more, listened to an earlier voicemail and reviewed an email from the surgeon's office, which included the advice to seek out a specific type of lab.  I got online and found the closest lab of that type and it was 50 minutes away (each way) from where I was.  I made an appointment with them and then got my kids their lunch.  It was nearing time for me to leave for that appt. but I didn't want to go that far away if my doctor really did have my results pending.  I decided to call back - my call went to voicemail... at a doctor's office!  I hung up, without leaving a message, and within 1 minute, got a call from the receptionist.  She had finally talked to the doctor... "he has taken care of everything.  Do you have the fax number of where we can send the results?"  Phew!  Sounds like he contacted the lab, verified they had my tests AND not only that, the results are ready!  Awesome.  I got off the phone, feeling relieved... at least for a little while.  Just as my time came and went to leave for my appointment in the big town 45 min away, I got a call from my doctor, himself.  "There was a problem with the lab work.  The lab didn't run all of the tests, we are still missing one.  I know you are out of town, is there a lab there that you can go to and I will fax the order to it?"  I sighed.  I explained that there was nothing nearby.  He said he would find me a place.  I got off the phone with him, grabbed my car keys, phone, and wallet and left.  I had several minutes to make up on my appointment time with the other place and I just felt like I needed to go and get it done.  My 13 year old son came with me and he slept all the way there, so he didn't notice that I spent a fair amount of time teary-eyed as I drove.  I called my PCP's office from the road and told them that I had found a lab and that I was on my way so not waste their time trying to find me a place.
   We pulled in, ran into the building and I explained that I didn't have an order for the tests in hand, all I had was the PDF of it in an email from the surgeon that morning.  I asked if she had an email address that I could email it to her or some other way that I could print it (even if I just logged on to a computer and printed it.)  The lady looked at me and said, "we're not allowed to do that."  I was now frustrated, on the verge of tears... again... and I just looked at her.  "Um, where can I go to print it?"  She suggested the public library, gave me directions to one that was just down the street, and we left.  They (the lab) were closing now in 35 minutes.  I got a little turned around getting to library, I was in a huge a Ford 150 truck on narrow streets that randomly became one way every so often, and when I got to the library, I found that they didn't have a parking lot, only paid street parking.  I started to cry. A lot.  I couldn't turn the truck around, I couldn't find a place to park, I was running out of time.  Why??  I just wanted to be on vacation with my family with my blood work done.  I finally was able to pull a U-turn, and found a end space that could fit my truck in front of a church just down from the library.  I was out of time so I didn't have time to even try to figure out the meter so I hoped that while I was in the library, they wouldn't check or ticket me.  I ran inside and went to the desk and explained that I was flustered, upset, in a hurry, and that I needed to print something.  The lady behind the desk was very kind and offered me everything I needed.  When I needed to pre-pay for the page I would print, I got out my wallet and only had $10 bill to pay for the 20 cent page.  She was sweet and said, "I will take care of it, don't break your Ten over this."  I really appreciated her help.  I got the page printed and got out of there within the next 5 minutes.  Got out to my truck, no ticket that I could see.  Ran back to the lab and handed her the order.  She looked it over... "Oh, well, we don't do STAT testing.  You would be better off going to the hospital."  I explained that their lab was recommended by my doctor, that I was out of time (they were about to close in 15 minutes), and that I couldn't risk not getting it done that day, I asked her just to send it away and get it done as fast as they could.  3 vials of blood, a Dairy Queen Blizzard each for my son and I, and one long sigh of relief later, and I was back on the road, headed back to vacation.  I won't know until tomorrow if they got any results back from those blood tests.  I am hoping it won't delay my surgery but I am nervous that it might.  All I know is that I have done what I could to get the work done.  I did everything I could with my doctor 2 weeks before my surgery.  I went back in during my vacation after spending an exhausting morning trying to find out what was going on.  I feel a little bit like I was robbed of a full day of that vacation.  It isn't right, but life isn't always fair... the fact that I have cancer is proof of that.  Right?  PS - when I got back to the vacation home, I got a call from my doctor telling me that he had found me a few locations not too far from me, like maybe 30 minutes or so... it was now after 5pm, when did he think I was going to go?  The blood test takes a week to get back, remember?  Seriously, not very happy with them.

Blessing Before the big day

I wanted to share about a special experience that I had a week ago with my family, but it requires some explanation for those that aren't familiar.  I need to explain the Priesthood, as I believe it to be and who has it and what you can do with it.  Although I am familiar and comfortable with the topic, I was struggling with the words to explain it... so I went to the source.  Here is the link to the following paragraph definition:

The priesthood is the eternal power and authority of God. Through the priesthood God created and governs the heavens and the earth. Through this power He redeems and exalts His children, bringing to pass “the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39).

Many men in my church hold the Priesthood.  In fact, there are varying degrees of it and you can be ordained as young as 12.  My husband is a Priesthood holder and with that comes the ability to perform certain ordinances in the church.  This past Spring, he was able to baptize our daughter.  He can bless and pass the sacrament.  He can also put his hands on someone's head (with their permission, of course!) and give blessings of comfort, guidance, or healing.   This is what I asked him to do for me before my upcoming surgery.  I couldn't imagine going to into my surgery without getting a blessing first and was grateful to be able to ask my husband to do that for me.  

But the experience doesn't end there...  I actually asked him to do it months ago, when I first found out I needed surgery, but I asked him to wait until it got closer to the date.  This past week, we were on vacation with my entire family, minus 1 nephew who is currently serving a mission.  That means there was a small group of 32 of us in 1 house.  Last Sunday, I asked my dad and brothers and brother-in-laws to assist my husband in giving me that blessing prior to my surgery.

We called everyone together and I had the opportunity to explain a little about my cancer, bare my testimony to the children about how I knew I would be taken care of and that all would be well, and then my dad anointed me consecrated oil and then my husband, my dad, my 2 brothers, and my 2 brother-in-laws surrounded me and put their hands on my head as my husband gave me a blessing.  It was truly a beautiful moment for me.  

The word that I remember most from that blessing is courage.  I am not even sure why it stands out so much to me.  He blessed me that I would heal quickly and other things that you would expect to hear in a blessing of healing, but the word courage echoes in my mind the most.  I hope that I will have the courage I need to face the upcoming days.  

Hugs from strangers...

  After being gone on vacation for a week and a half, and trying to get my house back in order, it was time to get back in to real life.  So, I started in on the many doctor and dentist appointments that we have spanning the next week and half... in total, there are 7 appointments... 2 for my cancer.
  I went to the endo today.  I had another list of questions for her.  She really is awesome.  She patiently listened to my questions and after answering questions about medications and timing of radioactive iodine, I asked her about possibly writing a letter stating that I have cancer, to help me with something that I needed, she told me that she would get me anything I needed, EVER.  I got teary-eyed.  She got up and hugged me.  She really cares about her patients - I can tell.  I like not feeling like a number.  I told her that I am more emotional than usual about it this week than usual because I have been thinking about our trip to Disney in the fall.  I told her that because I don't ever feel worried about the cancer itself, I didn't think it would affect my kids that much, but that they have been showing signs of trying to cope with their worry in different ways.  I am trying to not have this affect their lives, trying to go on vacations as planned, etc. But this week, I have realized that although the cancer and surgery aren't that big of deal, the after-affects are an unknown and will be the hardest for me to deal with, physically.  That I am worried about our Disney trip more than I care to admit.  Also, we are spending money on surgery that is supposed to be for fun while in Florida...  I told her that it was all overwhelming to think about and made me more emotional than I had been.  She told me that it was okay to feel overwhelmed.  She told me that it was okay to be frustrated by the situation and to have emotions about it.  She said that cancer is disruptive.  It's scary.  I felt relieved to hear a doctor tell me that... and not just say that this was a "good cancer" or the kind of cancer that they would choose.  I still feel guilty sometimes that it easier to deal with than what other people have to deal with.  But, I still have cancer, the same as the next cancer patient.  Whether I can joke about it in the moment or cry about it, doesn't matter, it's okay for me to say, "I have cancer."
    She reviewed her notes and said that she never received a final pathology report from the radiologist for my lymph node biopsy.  She would request that ASAP.  She then said that saw that I had met with the surgeon and told me that if she were to choose a surgeon, she would go to one I am going to, or someone else on her team.  I told her I was very impressed and liked the surgeon a lot.  That I felt she was thorough and had a great bedside manner.  We then discussed my pre-op labs and why the surgeon requested what she did.  Dr. V was very helpful and patient wanted to make sure I understood.  She was great... it also made me realize just how thorough my surgeon really is!  On my way out the door, she walked me out to ask the receptionist to contact the radiologist for the final pathology report.  The receptionist realized what I was there for, and after taking a note of what to ask for, said to me, "You are in good hands with Dr. V... she will take care of you."  She then offered to write down a reminder card for next visit, even though I assured her I had it in my phone.  She wrote down her name on the card and walked around the desk to hand it to me.  She said, "If you ever need anything, you call this number (pointing to the card) and ask for me, Marge, they will transfer you to me.  We will take very good care of you."  She then hugged me and handed me the card!  I seriously love these people.  What a warm and caring office!
   It did make me wonder if I were to tell everyone that I have cancer, if I would get hugs other places, too...  the grocery store?  I don't go that many places... just doc appts. and grocery shopping, so that would be about it.  Hmmm... maybe, if I was a more outgoing person, I would try it, just to see.  :)
   I have 2 friends that found out that I had this appointment and another one (not related to my cancer) today, that would take the majority of my day, today.  They are teaming up to bring my family dinner.  I am very grateful for the support that I have from friends, they are amazing!!